Here are the notes:
Thanks to Christina for Speaking and Kelly McKitterick for typing up the notes
I. Why Discipline? – Discipline=Love (Discipline in Love)
A. Commanded by God.
1. Proverbs 13:24: “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”
2. Hebrews 12:5-6: “And have you forgotten the encouraging words god spoke to you as his children? He said, “My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline, and don’t give up when he corrects you. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he acepts as his child.”
3. Gods love is so deep for us. God loves us, therefore we are disciplined. Parents/Adults get disciplined too.
B. Discipline develops respect for parents, God and other people.
1. Parent/Child interaction/discipline is important when children are young to follow through life even to adulthood & how they deal with the world.
2. Children identify parents to God… learn to obey God.
C. Definition of discipline (Godly Principles)
1. Discipline is a process of training & learning that develops moral development. Discipline comes from the word disciple. Discipline=Disciplining our children.
2. Discipling our kids how to follow God, be ready for discipline and obey God.
II. How do we do it??
A. In Love. (We can say to our children: “I love you, I don’t like what you are doing.”)
1. Hebrews 12:5-6: “Lord disciplines those he loves.” Discipline is a good thing, not a negative thing. Discipline needs to be balanced.
2. Proverbs 13:24: (New Living Translation) “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” Don’t be afraid to discipline. It is okay for them to grow from hurts.
3. Hurt verses Harm: Discipline can hurt your child, but it will not harm your child. Our children are going to hurt & sometimes that is a good thing. Pain isn’t always a bad thing. Children can learn from it. Just like getting burned… if someone burns themselves on the oven they will for sure use an oven mit the next time. Pain is a gift, it protects & is for our good.
HURT: Sadness, angry with you.
HARM: Physical abandenment, abuse, emotional issues.
B. Consequences need to be experienced.
1. Lack of consequences creates a decrease in character.
2. Proverbs 29:15: “To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.”
3. Children need to understand consequences for sin/wrong doing in life. Children need to learn consequences.
4. Types of consequences: (Say something verbally first, say NO (verbal warning). Second time do something about it (consequence).
a. Loss of toy. (if they don’t want to share it or if they throw it)
b. Loss of priviledge. (find something that they are attached to, what hurts when it is taken away)
c. Loss of freedom… limited to crib for short period, time out (naughty chair)- Set a timer.
d. Loss of social connection… time out alone.
e. Physical “Sting” (pain)
i. Tap on hand while saying no. (ASK: Was it childish or all out rebellion?)
ii. Snap/flick on lips when biting (NO biting).
f. FIRM words… say it like you mean it.
g. Biblical chastisement aka “Spanking”. Society doesn’t favor it, but the Bible gives us authority to spank our children. Spanking isn’t the only tool either.
i. Prayerful: Be in prayer, study God’s word.
ii. Never spank out of anger. Give spanking in a controlled manner. Don’t spank in public (use a pre-determined place). Spanking amount by age. Use a different object for spanking- on the hand if touching something that they are not supposed to be touching/dangerous. Leave clothing on.
iii. Proverbs 22:15: (New Living Translation) “A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness but physical discipline will drive it far away.
iv. proverbs 23:13-14: “Don’t fail to discipline your children. They won’t die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death.” Example: Running into street. Don’t back off in dangerous situations.
v. Self control (do not discipline in anger: practice self-control, maybe use separation from the situation), explanation (tell our children why we are disciplining them, give reasons), give affection after (always give affection afterwards, hug. say I love you.) Say why- God told me that I have to do this, God says that we need to discipline our children so that they learn right from wrong. Take the emotion out of it.
vi. Always hug, love and explain afterward. Have your child ask for forgiveness in prayer (teaching them confession)… (Dear Jesus, Dear God).
vii. Always start with scripture. Always start with consulting with your spouse to find common ground, keep consulting with each other because different situations need different disapline types and as your child grows/changes things may need to be altered. Write down decisions that you have made as a couple, they are a good reference.
III. When to discipline.
A. Immediately. Discipline right away.
B. Ecclesiastes 8:11: “When a crime is not punished quickly, people feel it is safe to do wrong.”
C. Be consistent.
D. Discipline when child opposes your authority.
1. When you get that feeling, then discipline.
2. You are in charge, not them.
IV. Lastly give lots of positive encouragement.
A. Give rewards for good behavior generously.
B. Set up behavioral goals for kids let them see you beam over their accomplishments.
Suggested reading list:
1. Dr. Dobson… New Dare to discipline, parenting Isn’t for Cowards, Bringing Up Boys, Baby and Child Care.
2. Lisa Welchel… Creative Correction.
3. Dr. Kevin Leman… Boundaries for Kids, Have a New Kid by Friday.
4. Pam Foster… Instruction in Righteousness (scripture references)
5. Growing kids God’s Way
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